Where The Hell Are My Friends?

I don’t know about y’all, but is it starting to feel like a ghost town up in here? At least that’s how it was feeling for me a few weeks into my divorce. Once the dust settled and the rumor mill had stopped production for summer break, it seemed all was quiet on my block and the phone wasn’t ringing. Where were these so called “friends” that I used to hang out with every week when I was married? What had happened to these lavish dinner parties? Was i no longer invited? My husband had skipped town with his new flame (i hoped it’d burn in hell) and here I was basking a la beached whale style in the backyard with my Nay Nay (that’s Chardonnay). Does this sound familiar? When you first announced your divorce did your friends say things like “Omg! I’m so sorry. If you need anything, please let me know. I’m here for you.” and then, poof, disappear? Now, let’s not throw everyone under the bus. We know there’s probably one or two poor souls ( a neighbor/friend) that sits there in the driveway while you stand in your robe in between wails or invites you over on the weekends for dinner. These people are actually here for you. Don’t take them for granted. What you’re going through, you’ve probably never gone through before. (I say probably, but if you have and you’re an expert, please weigh in!)

Remember, your friends probably haven’t gone through this either. They don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. They may assume (and we know how bad assuming is but we still do it at times) that you want to be left alone. Everyone grieves differently, and yes this is grieving whether you realize it or not and it is a healthy thing to go through i might add. So, they think you’ll “snap” out of it at some point and be ready to join them for dinner or some event in your own time. Why bombard you with texts. Where in your mind, you’re thinking, does anyone care what i’m going through? How can they not get it? Are they this much of a shitty friend? You really do find out who your true friends are in a divorce. I had many “friends” when my husband and I were together, or so i thought. People we’d hang out with (you know those amazing dinner parties) and people we’d vacation with, my college friends, his college friends, you name it. But were his friends my friends too? What about the friends we made together? When all this came crashing down and our marriage ended, I realized, i didn’t have that many friends. Real friends. And looking back, I don’t think I would want to be friends with a lot of those people today. I’m not sure if that were that good of people. So when I was sitting here during the early stages of the divorce, wondering why no one really cared, were these the right people that should’ve been caring anyway?

I challenge you to ask yourself when you have all this alone time to use these awesome products in The Divorce Case, who do you want in your life moving forward? I look at my divorce like rehab. When someone goes to rehab and they become healthy to leave the program and enter back into their day to day life, they are faced with making decisions. Many have to cut out what didn’t work for them in the past, not just the substances, but the triggers: friends, sometimes family, environment, etc. Not all divorces and marriages are toxic, but sometimes you want to start over with a clean slate. In my situation, I chose to cut out a lot of the toxic influences from that time in my life. The people I have chosen to surround myself with and the ones that have stuck around from before that relationship began are the true friends. I encourage you to find the people that build you up and push you towards the positive goals in life. And if some of those people are waiting in the wings, they may just need a little nudge or a heart to heart on how you feel right now. It’s all about communication and maybe they just took the wrong exit emotionally and are waiting for a sign… which after 2020… has us all confused. 

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